For Blackburn with Darwen foster carers Paula and Peter, fostering is not about perfect moments or having all the answers. It is about creating a home where children feel safe, cared for and included in everyday family life. As part of this year’s Foster Care Fortnight campaign ‘This Is Fostering’, they shared what fostering really looks like behind the front door of their home.
Everyday family life
Their days are busy and full, just like many other families.
There are school runs, homework, after-school activities and mealtimes, alongside meetings, medical appointments and keeping in touch with schools.
For Paula and Peter, routine is one of the most important things they can offer children in their care. They explain that it is important to introduce “normal” family experiences that many children may never have had before.
The little moments that stay forever.
Some of the most special memories come from moments that might seem small to other people.
Paula remembers “the sheer delight and disbelieve of taking siblings to the beach for the first time” and the excitement of a 12-year-old girl visiting the cinema for the very first time.
But one moment especially stayed with her, overhearing a child tell their friend that “they’re really lucky because they have two families.”
For foster carers, these small moments can mean everything.
Helping children feel at home
When children first arrive, Paula and Peter focus on helping them feel calm and comfortable rather than overwhelming them.
They make sure children have simple comforts ready, including bedding, pyjamas, a toothbrush, a teddy and things like a bedside lamp.
"Board games often help break the ice, along with comforting food of course”.
Later, children are given the chance to choose decorations, bedding or clothing to help make their room feel like their own space.
Most importantly, Paula and Peter believe in “going at the child’s pace.”
What fostering means to them
For Paula and Peter, fostering is about far more than providing a place to stay.
To them, it means “Providing children with normality, safety and security” while helping children build confidence, experience new opportunities and enjoy things “other children take for granted.”
Family routines everyone loves
Every child is different, so routines change depending on their needs and experiences.
But one tradition has become a favourite for everyone in their house, a Sunday afternoon charity shopping trip, usually followed by a visit to the park.
It is these simple routines that often help children feel connected and part of family life.
What surprises people most about fostering
One thing Paula says she did not expect was how much communication foster carers have with schools. She explains that having a strong relationship with school staff is important, so everyone is “all singing from the same hymn sheet.”
This teamwork helps children feel supported both at home and in school.
Supporting children through challenges
Paula and Peter say supporting children means helping both practically and emotionally.
That can include everyday things like homework and teeth cleaning, but also listening, reassuring children and helping them feel understood.
They believe children should know that someone will always “advocate for them” and encourage them when trying new experiences or facing challenges.
“This is why I do it”
One memory still makes Paula emotional when she talks about it.
A child who had previously been bullied at school once jumped into the car and proudly said, “I’m now the most popular boy in my year”.
Paula explains that his classmates had finally seen “the real person” behind the clothes and awkwardness people had judged before.
“I struggled to hold back the tears on that car journey,” she says.
How fostering changes your life
Fostering has changed family life in many ways for Paula and Peter.
“Fostering keeps you busy,” they laugh, explaining that family dynamics naturally change as children come and go.
But there are positives too, including still having an excuse to visit theme parks and zoos “even when your own kids have grown out of it”.
Their advice to anyone thinking about fostering
Paula and Peter are honest that fostering can be intense, emotional and challenging at times.
But they also say it is incredibly rewarding.
“The benefits outweigh the challenges and make it so worthwhile.”
Thinking about fostering?
If Paula and Peter’s story has made you think a little differently about fostering, we are here to help you explore it in a simple, friendly way.
You do not need to have all the answers, and there is no pressure. Just a chat with our team can help you understand what fostering involves and whether it could fit into your life.
Call us on 0300 019 0200 or Get in touch via our enquiry form here.
